Notes from a Burmese Prison

If you privation to get a missive retired of a Burmese prison, bash not springiness it to the guards.

Perhaps this is obvious, but erstwhile they told maine I could constitute 2 a period — 1 to my embassy and 1 to Juliana — I was naive capable to try.

"All night," I wrote to Juliana.

“A fluorescent flood airy illuminates the clouds of mosquitoes feasting connected me, which makes it hard to sleep, and erstwhile the mosquitoes retreat, the ants crawl successful — successful pulsing veins on the compartment partition and floor, implicit each inch of tegument each day.”

I filled each centimeter of the authoritative missive signifier they gave me.

“But it’s each fine. I’ve already gotten utilized to it by now. I conscionable privation to spot you.”

Three days later…

“Write bigger. And don’t accidental determination are ants here.”

So I tried again.

“Ju- I emotion and miss you truthful much. I americium doing good physically and feeling much oregon little steadfast — but mentally things are evidently rough…”

“No.”

And again.

“Sorry.”

I archetypal landed successful Myanmar successful aboriginal May 2019, conscionable successful clip for World Press Freedom Day.

A decennary earlier the country's subject leaders had begun a partial democratization process that notably included the extremity of pre-publication property censorship.

After elections successful 2015, successful which the subject authorities had been trounced by the now-fallen ideology icon Aung San Suu Kyi, they'd began handing implicit chunks of authorities to her quasi-civilian administration.

Though representative, Suu Kyi's medication proved astir arsenic intolerant of its critics arsenic the subject had been, adjacent if it inactive maintained wide nationalist support.

When I arrived, Reuters journalists Wa Lone and Kyaw Soe Oo had been sitting successful the city's Insein Prison for 2 years.

The twelvemonth they were arrested, successful 2017, I was earning $12 an hr reporting for a agrarian Louisiana newspaper…

...while our recently elected president channeled fury toward property pools astatine the backmost of his normal halls.

American journalism was facing its gravest threats, pundits were saying, and it wasn't adjacent paying a surviving wage.

I came to Myanmar because, if our worst fears were coming to pass, I thought its journalists mightiness person thing to thatch me.

If I had travel to Myanmar looking for lessons, Juliana had travel hoping to simply grin and carnivore a consular posting that was not her archetypal choice.

We met connected the apps.

“Hi Peidão*” (*person who farts a lot)

On our archetypal date, implicit a shared vessel of beer, we lamented the emergence of a planetary acold right, and pined for the mislaid optimism of our youth.

She quoted Gramsci and Marx, and I pretended to person work them. I rushed the measure arsenic soon arsenic the brew finished, tense astir showing my ignorance.

On our adjacent date, we some confessed we'd wanted to bid different vessel that night.

Juliana lived unsocial successful an airy, three-bedroom flat paid for by her country's overseas service.

I lived downtown with a 6’3" Brit who taught English 3 days a week and spent the different 4 ranking his all-time favourite achromatic metallic albums successful YouTube videos.

We stayed mostly astatine hers.

Despite the deteriorating property situation, it seemed similar a clip of large hope.

On May 6th, 2019, aft 511 days successful the country's infamous Insein Prison, Wa Lone and Kyaw Soe Oo were released.

“I can't hold to spell to my newsroom now. I americium a journalist. I americium going to continue.”

And successful 2020, nationwide elections were deemed just and credible by overseas and home observers.

It felt similar a tide was shifting, successful Myanmar and the US.

Juliana's lease was coming to an end, and contempt the excavation and the sleek appliances astatine her compound, the thrill of downtown inactive pulled astatine me.

We recovered a concealed palace hidden amid the shambles of the historical Muslim quarter...

...where sunsets poured bronze airy done the room model and the muezzin telephone would metronome our days.

We were giddy...

...and successful love.

“Baby there’s country successful here… conscionable capable for 2 successful here. Baby there’s…”

Breaking News: Myanmar person is detained amid coup. Military declares authorities of emergency."

On February 1st, we were inundated with links. The coup had been unintentionally livestreamed and went viral.

“Have you seen this?” “Wait… what?”

“She was conscionable filming a workout video.” “STOP.” “And there’s THE COUP close down her!”

Together we watched the dozens of videos — from each corners of the net — superimposing the infamous Myanmar Coup Dancer implicit history.

After the coup, astatine precisely 8pm each night, seemingly everyone successful Yangon stepped extracurricular and slammed unneurotic pots oregon pans — immoderate blunt objects adjacent astatine manus — an past means of warding disconnected evil, present a motion of absorption to subject rule.

The protests were joyful astatine first.

Signs: “My ex is atrocious but Myanmar subject is worse.” “Ah crap present we spell again.”

Until…

"Weeks of comparatively peaceful protests turned deadly connected Feb. 20th erstwhile 2 unarmed protesters were killed by information forces successful the metropolis of…”

The subject began raiding newsrooms.

Including my erstwhile employer, the investigative quality tract Myanmar Now, among the country's astir staunchly anti-militarist outlets.

Our Western friends were leaving.

“Can we assistance Lorcan springiness distant his books?”

We considered doing the same.

“We tin alert to Detroit, enactment with my parents for a bit, and past roadworthy travel retired to California.” “I get to conscionable the household Peidões?”

One nighttime successful April, conscionable aft 8pm.

An eerie hush settled implicit our street.

“Danny! Get back!”

A soldier's flashlight flooded our apartment.

I booked a summons to Detroit.

Text to Consular Official: “Hi, my sanction is Danny Fenster. I'm an American writer moving for Frontier Myanmar. I'm definite I don't person thing to interest about, but I did usage to enactment astatine Myanmar Now, and I'm going to beryllium flying retired of Yangon connected May 24th. I conscionable wanted to fto you cognize successful lawsuit determination was immoderate origin for concern.”

“Hi Danny, acknowledgment for letting america know. We don't person immoderate denotation that there's crushed to worry, You've fixed them 10 days' announcement truthful you should beryllium fine.”

Text to Juliana from the airport: “lol these covid outfits got a pic w the ipad volition nonstop later can’t nonstop pics with the burner phone”

Texts from Juliana: “can’t hold to spot it miss you”

“Ahem… Could DANIEL JACOB FENSTER delight study to the…”

“Daniel Jacob? We person a fewer questions for you, related to…

…an ongoing transgression investigation.”

Text to Juliana: “babe not joking telephone the embassy.”

PEN America Demands Myanmar Release US Journalist Danny Fenster “Managing exertion of 1 of the fewer autarkic quality outlets was detained portion attempting to committee a formation retired of the country Some 4,000 different radical person been detained by the authorities successful caller months…”

The Washington Post Democracy Dies successful Darkness Asia & Pacific “American writer is detained by Myanmar authorities portion trying to permission country Fenster, 37, is the 4th overseas writer detained successful Myanmar since the subject seized powerfulness successful a coup successful February. The subject authorities routinely publishes lists of "wanted" journalists, accusing them of affecting "state stability," and has detained much than 70 journalists successful total, according to media watchdogs.”

Committee to Protect Journalists “Myanmar arrests US exertion Danny Fenster astatine Yangon airport Myanmar authorities indispensable instantly and unconditionally merchandise Frontier Myanmar managing exertion Danny Fenster and let him to question freely extracurricular the” [text is chopped off]

The Guardian “US writer detained successful Myanmar portion boarding formation home Family of Danny Fenster dependable interest for his payment aft helium was held by authorities successful Yangon planetary airport”

They’d taken my electronics and my books.

“Noon. Quiet Hour.” <click, lock>

Yet somehow, they'd missed the sepia notebook I'd been keeping since January.

The hardest happening successful those archetypal days was the boredom. I had nary quality of the extracurricular satellite to distract me. Nothing to hole my attraction on.

So l scribbled to myself.

“FRIDAY, 1pm Afternoons are the worst. Right present it's 1pm and I'm locked successful my compartment for ‘nap time.’ Every time from noon to 1:30pm it's quiescent hour. We person to spell prevarication down successful furniture and beryllium quiet, which is really rather good by me. I effort not to slumber truthful l'll beryllium much bushed astatine night. It's hard capable to autumn asleep: they marque america slumber with the airy on, connected apical of a woody pallet with a mates of blankets for padding. And past determination are the mosquitoes biting and the ants…”

I noted the endless rain…

“Sheets of rainfall pouring down extracurricular these bars, retired into the yard, the excavation that was a plot yesterday — filling the chromatic basin and my drinking h2o jar”

…and my insect companions,

“Drifting ever to the corner, its legs splayed akimbo, forming an X with its limp antennae, legs dangling, astatine ease, immoderate tensions having fled, it looks similar underneath, connected its insect face, it indispensable beryllium smiling astatine its oblivion, though of people it whitethorn person died successful a drowning suffocating panic, but present it's free.”

…my tiny victories,

“‘Tidied' aft interrogations today. Dirty laundry bag, hung shirts, turned cleanable apparel into a sweatpant-leg pillow.”

…and my mounting dread.

“2 sachets of java left, nary toothpaste. Gotta lavation immoderate apparel soon.”

And past 1 day…

Juliana's bundle was my archetypal denotation that anyone knew wherever I was. It had taken respective days to walk inspection.

I'd heard determination were books too, but the situation translator had to archetypal certify that they contained nary governmental content.

Journal entry: “Just reflecting connected however superb my woman is. She adjacent telepathically included conscionable astir each indispensable point I’d been wanting. And she included a (new?) air-tight tupperware container, to support the bugs out. Most of this she indispensable person intuited. I besides ideate her asking coworkers etc., ‘What to battalion into a prisoners parcel.’”

The days passed…

punctuated by the aforesaid routines,

and occasional gifts.

(And past 1 day:)

Letter from Juliana: “Yangon, June 2nd, 2021. Danny, babe. You person nary thought however overmuch I miss you. I privation you to cognize that everything is fine. Rose and Bud are good and healthy. Bryan is being a existent warrior and is doing everything helium tin from the States. I americium besides doing the champion I tin successful here. I spent the past nights unsocial astatine our apartment, looking around. It hasn't been agelong that we person moved in, but I consciousness similar we person lived present for years. I LOVE this place. I emotion the beams connected the ceiling, the unfastened kitchen. I perfectly emotion the bureau — I person sat determination a fewer times to speech to your family, with the instrumentality connected my face, and I recognize wherefore you similar that spot truthful much. There was a powerfulness chopped the different time — 4 hours successful the vigor — I deliberation this is 1 of those things astir surviving the afloat Myanmar experience. I saw a gecko 2 nights agone successful our bedroom. I americium 99% definite determination is simply a rat successful the room (I cognize I person said that before, but present the sound is much constant. I person to grounds it for you). I americium besides observing the pigeons for you. I deliberation determination are little birds connected our windowsill though — they might've heard that you were travelling connected holidays. I don't spell to the balcony successful the mornings truthful often anymore, but I ever spell determination successful the afternoon. I person this representation of you coming backmost location successful the opening of the evenings, truthful I spell determination each present and past and wait. I spot the men going to the mosque for the day prayers, the sandals — dozens of them! — aligned by the entrance. Everything and everyone truthful alive. Life passing engaged arsenic accustomed portion we hold for bully news, portion I hold for you. Every azygous happening astatine this flat reminds maine of you, of this section of our lives. I emotion you truthful much. Please committedness maine that you'll beryllium strong. I'm trying my champion connected my side, and I'm doing alright, I promise. A tiny spot of craziness, but I deliberation it volition adhd to my charm. Love you, peidão! I emotion you more. Ju.” After the guards rejected my 3rd effort astatine authoritative correspondence with Juliana, rumor dispersed of a pending deal: 2 members of an equipped taste insurgency successful my ward would soon beryllium released.

I abandoned my written detente with the situation censors and scribbled retired a agelong rambling enactment to Juliana.

“Also what's going connected successful int'l news? In the US? Any large stories?

P.S. plz nonstop maine immoderate pictures of you! Things: fucking cashews! P.S. — Some further books, if you tin find them! "What Is History" and "Homo Deus." The archetypal is astatine Dom's & the 2nd is either besides astatine Dom's oregon astatine your place. Also, "This Thing of Darkness," oregon thing similar that, is simply a publication Lorcan gave maine earlier helium left. I deliberation it's successful that suitcase helium gave me. These would beryllium bully ones. Do you deliberation the US embassy has "Grapes of Wrath"? Being capable to perceive to podcasts and my ain euphony would marque each of this infinitely much bareable excessively — podcasts especially. Alas, I'm beauteous definite headphones & electronics are banned. [frowny face] I emotion you truthful much. See you soon. Xoxo, Danny” The insurgent spoke nary English. I willed him to recognize me.

“Please, instrumentality this to my wife.”

It felt similar casting a bottled missive into the ocean.

—

It wasn't agelong earlier the guards recovered my notebooks. Paper and ink were declared contraband successful my ward.

<click, lock>

If I couldn't grounds the experience, what did immoderate of it matter?

I was being forced — perchance for the archetypal clip since the advent of the iPhone — to sit, for hr aft unending hour, from 1 interminable infinitesimal to another, with thing to inhabit my mind.

of each the panic and discomfort l endured successful prison, it was this —

boredom

— that astir broke me.

There was a TV successful our ward, but programming was limited, and each of it successful Burmese anyway.

A Buddhist monk, 1 of the lone English speakers there, told maine they utilized to ticker BBC and Discovery Channel. But connected the greeting of the coup, the TV awesome was chopped completely.

When it came backmost on, lone authorities broadcasts remained.

“That's however we knew the subject had taken backmost control.”

One day, I noticed a captive fiddling with something.

The monk explained that for conscionable a fewer 1000 kyat oregon a fistful of betel nuts, guards brought prisoners USB sticks afloat of Chinese enactment movies and Bollywood musicals, oregon TikTok reels of radical being kicked successful the nuts. Some adjacent had tiny MP3 players they listened to amerciable euphony on.

l began scheming immediately.

When I'd packed for Detroit, I'd near connected my table a Zoom H1n recorder with a microSD paper inside.

I scavenged the situation ward for paper, and, utilizing a contraband pen, I wrote a enactment to Juliana describing the recorder's nonstop location. I made lists of each the podcasts I wanted to hear.

When different detainee was paroled, I forced the notes connected him with different representation of the city.

And past I waited.

…

“Monk?”

“Sit.

Focus your attraction connected the extremity of your nose….

…the sensation going successful and retired of your nostrils.”

For 15 minutes, the monk watched maine struggle.

It felt impossible.

“Do this upon waking each morning, and for 5 minutes astatine the commencement of each hour, astatine slightest for the archetypal fewer hours of the day…

Then, erstwhile this becomes easy, up these hourly intervals to 10 minutes, past fifteen.”

Slowly…

…a tolerance for boredom pervaded my waking moments.

I could ticker my thoughts

move

from 1 to the next.

I thought astir the circumstances that had brought maine to Myanmar. I'd wanted to larn from journalists lasting up to unimaginable repression.

But I was besides questioning the constituent of journalism altogether. Our problems did not stem from a scarcity of reliable reporting oregon facts.

Moving overseas was my last-ditch effort to salvage immoderate meaning from the work, truthful l mightiness enactment astatine it.

But erstwhile I arrived, I mostly felt overwhelmed by Myanmar's politics, location to much than 20 taste armies and respective times arsenic galore militias adjacent earlier the coup, each plagued by their ain internecine powerfulness struggles. I’d felt inexpert and ill-placed.

Who was to beryllium telling the communicative of this place?

So l'd fallen into the relation of editor, helping section writers and reporters archer their ain stories to the English-speaking world.

But connected my worst days, I inactive wondered if immoderate of it mattered.

Meanwhile..

Post: “@amykurzweil

On Monday 5/24, my relative Danny Fenster was imprisoned by the subject successful Myanmar for the "crime" of being a journalist. None of america person been capable to pass with him since. Here's however you tin help:

1) Spread the word! Spread the image! Share mine, oregon gully your ain representation of Danny! Post with the hashtag #BringDannyHome.

2) Sign the petition linked successful my profile. We're calling connected the highest levels of bureau to…”

I'd go a Myanmar story.

[A collage of societal media posts featuring creation of Danny’s look and the hashtag #BringDannyHome] One day, successful a makeshift subject tribunal wrong the prison, a sympathetic translator surreptitiously flashed maine a screenshot.

“@RELIABLESOURCES CNN PARENTS OF DETAINED AMERICAN JOURNALIST SPEAK OUT”

Facebook post: “Bryan Fenster is with Cara Quinn and 2 others Day 66. An overdue update, and 1 I privation were much positive. Yesterday greeting we learned that Danny had a proceeding connected Monday, that neither the U.S. Embassy Rangoon, our family, nor his lawyer knew about. He was remanded erstwhile again to the prison, and determination are inactive nary authoritative charges.”

“Bryan Fenster is with Buddy Fenster and 2 others Day 92. Another proceeding has travel and gone, and again we wait. Danny remains successful prison..”

“Bryan Fenster is with Ethan Kurzweil and 4 others. Day 100. Today we deed a achy milestone, it marks the 100th time since my small brother, Danny Fenster, was wrongly detained successful Myanmar, apparently, simply for being a journalist. Today, similar each day, we are calling connected the subject successful Myanmar to merchandise Danny connected humanitarian grounds and let him to travel location to us.”

[A bid of comments from societal media]

“Dominic Horner Sending tons of emotion to you and your family”

“Jane Gleeson Sending continued prayers and love!”

“Julie Muszynski I’m truthful atrocious for each of you…”

“Kim Maher Praying [praying hands emojis]”

“Linda Finkelburg Stay strong. Your efforts volition prevail.”

“Lisa Harris [praying hands emojis]

“Nathan Maung

[A larger collage of dozens of societal media posts featuring creation of Danny’s look and the hashtag #BringDannyHome]

On days erstwhile the rainfall fto up, I would walk the evening looking retired toward what I guessed was my and Juliana's apartment.

I imagined what she mightiness beryllium doing conscionable then.

If I concentrated hard enough, I thought I could really pass with her.

…

“Delivery.”

[A faceless defender hands Danny a attraction bundle from Juliana. He opens a container of java to find a hidden enactment wrong 1 of the packets.]

Note: “Granola bar. TAL. Love you.”

[Danny takes retired the container of granola bars, opens it, and dumps the wrapped bars out. He examines and touches each bar, intelligibly looking for thing hidden. He looks dismayed, and past peers wrong the bare container to observe a tiny microSD paper taped inside.]

It took respective days of begging and bribing earlier different captive was capable to assistance maine acceptable the presumption of an hourly lease connected an MP3 subordinate from 1 of the different detainees.

I walked arsenic casually arsenic I could backmost to my cell.

<slide> [Danny inserts the microSD paper into the MP3 subordinate and turns up the volume.] <click> <tap pat tap>

“Baby there’s country successful here… Just capable for 2 successful here…”

It was Juliana’s voice.

“Ain’t cipher but you and maine successful here…”

I replayed it again. And again.

“...yea, what tin we bash successful here…”

“I emotion you babe. I miss you truthful so truthful much.”

Drawing connected paper: “I had nary luck with the pictures truthful I volition effort again with Amy’s drawing. I emotion you babe. So truthful much. Stay strong, for me, for us! LOVE YOU, Ju”

Somehow, Juliana had besides downloaded the full thirty-year archive of my favourite podcast and stuffed it each connected that mircoSD card. As soon arsenic I stopped replaying her singing, I heard different acquainted voice...

“From WBEZ Chicago… It’s THIS AMERICAN LIFE. I’m Ira Glass… enactment with us…”

For immoderate crushed (which Juliana would aboriginal assertion was not intentional), the archetypal occurrence to play was from 2011, Episode 448: "Adventure!”

In Act One, an expat Minnesotan named "Luke" gets pulled into a insignificant thoroughfare brawl successful Shenzhen, China, past flees. A fewer days aboriginal the constabulary travel asking questions, and past they fastener him up.

“It was, like, a Tuesday I think. I went in, and they're like, ‘We'll beryllium backmost connected Friday to fto you cognize what's going on.’ And honestly, astatine that clip I thought I was going to beryllium released connected Friday…

“... I was thinking, OK, 3 nights, 4 nights, this is nary problem. I'm benignant of an adventurous soul. At this point, I'm inactive reasonably calm. Like, well, I'm successful a Chinese jail, this is crazy, but what a story.”

“And successful the end, however agelong did you extremity up staying successful this detention center?”

“Eight months…

Eight months.”

“The compartment was a rectangle, 10 by 15 feet… During storms, you couldn't fell from the rainfall blowing in, truthful everyone would get drenched… …up astatine 7, past breakfast… …thin atom h2o broth… … nap from 11:30 to 1:30… …The days became each the aforesaid — boredom punctuated by the occasional spasm of utmost emotion.” “In classical escapade stories, similar The Odyssey, determination isn't overmuch fun. There's pain, fear, and death, and occasionally, if you're lucky… …small transformations.”

On a Friday day that November, successful a subject tribunal wrong the situation compound, I was recovered blameworthy of a slew of arcane crimes, including causing discourtesy to the military, and sentenced to eleven years with hard labor.

I was marched to the situation office, stripped of my thoroughfare apparel and dressed successful situation blues.

By the clip I made it backmost to my cell, the others had been locked successful for the night. I spent that evening desolate and crying, trying to comprehend the value of eleven years.

That proved impossible, and truthful by the greeting I'd convinced myself that, actually, I had to beryllium convicted successful bid to beryllium pardoned.

“Why other would they springiness you a Covid test?”

Sure enough, connected Monday morning, I was awoken earlier than everyone else.

<unlock> “Pack up.”

I ne'er got to accidental goodbye.

By that evening, Burmese constabulary were handing maine implicit to a scrum of men, including the precocious Bill Richardson, erstwhile New Mexico governor, who'd made a 2nd vocation negotiating the merchandise of Americans detained abroad. They said they had a chartered pitchy taxing extracurricular for me.

It had been six months.

Foreigners not deported straight from situation had to publication tickets 10 days earlier their departure truthful the authorities could show comings and goings.

Danny connected phone: “Hey babe... Oh, thing much… What's caller with you?”

November 15th, 2021: Juliana booked her summons that night.

I thought I'd gone to Myanmar to larn however to decision dictators, but Burmese journalists knew each on that specified defeats are ne'er final.

“The New York Times U.S. Journalist Danny Fenster Is Freed From Myanmar Prison The merchandise was a uncommon affirmative improvement successful the country, which has been torn by unit since a February coup.”

“The Detroit Jewish News Home Free: After Six Months successful a Myanmar Prison, Journalist is with His Family successful Huntington Woods”

“Deadline Detroit With Hugs And A Haircut, Danny Fenster Readjusts In A Familiar Home Near Detroit - His Family's”

“MICHIGAN Fenster aft being freed from Myanmar: ‘I'm truly blessed to beryllium connected my mode home' Detroit News unit and ligament reports”

“BBC Danny Fenster: US writer freed from Myanmar jail”

The acquisition is to support reporting anyway..

“Bryan Fenster is with Amy Kurzweil and 4 others. November 17, 2021 Day 178. Home Sweet Home. #BringDannyHome”

to grounds for tomorrow…

…the stories that today's victors would similar we forget.

“Hey Dan? Can you baste the turkey? I'm going to rotation class.” “OK.” “And the Rubins are downstairs – they privation to accidental hi. The Detroit Jewish News volition halt by astatine 4. They conscionable privation a picture, past they'll permission america alone.” “OK, Ma—” “What clip does she land?” “Soon.”

Because to endure sucks, truthful you simply tell…

“Danny!” “I can’t judge you’re home!” “You mislaid the antheral bun!” “You made it!” “We’re truthful blessed you’re here.” “Mmmmwah! So handsome!” “Phew!”

“Hey Dan… Dad’s waiting for ya successful the car.”

And sometimes, if you’re lucky…

…you, find, successful the telling…

…that suffering transformed.

[Danny and Juliana are reunited astatine the airport, embracing.]