L.A. Affairs: Dating an L.A. braggart taught me a lesson in positive self-talk

I’m doing yoga astatine Palisades Park successful Santa Monica with a friend, erstwhile a tall, bladed feline with agelong hairsbreadth and carrying a guitar approaches. He has that aging rock-star look, which I find ... hot.

He says, “Hey, y’all, tin anyone articulation your yoga class?”

Southern drawl? Also, hot. “Oh, it’s not a class,” I say. “Can anyone get a opus connected your guitar?”

He hoists the guitar and launches into a beauteous ballade. I consciousness the precocious day prima connected my arms, odor the water breeze. I’m reminded wherefore I emotion Santa Monica, wherever I moved to from New York aft my divorce, looking for a caller start, and wherever I’ve remained azygous ever since.

After the song, the stranger, Clayton, tells america that helium moved to L.A. from Georgia successful his 20s. He says helium got “the biggest signin’ woody of immoderate first-time signaling artist.” Now he’s moving connected the people for a movie with the “biggest shaper attached.”

Is this true? I privation it to beryllium true. It’s hard to conscionable a consecutive feline implicit the property of 45 who’s successful, azygous ... and has hair. We speech numbers, but I can’t archer if he’s funny successful maine romantically. I’ve been azygous for truthful long, it’s hard to consciousness appealing. As a child, I knew I was special, and I knew why: due to the fact that my parent told me.

But I don’t unrecorded with a praiseful genitor oregon a supportive spouse, no. And I enactment astatine home; nary bureau mates say, “Cute shoes!” Or “What steadfast luncheon choices.” I unrecorded with a praise deficit, successful a immense compliment desert.

The adjacent time Clayton calls and asks maine retired connected a date. Over coffee, helium says, “I tin constitute an full movie publication successful 1 week. My cause has ne'er work specified bully scripts.” Later that week, implicit drinks, helium says, “I got into the Atlanta Boys Choir connected my archetypal try.” As if it took everyone other aggregate tries.

He picks maine up from Los Angeles International Airport — an enactment of chivalry that deserves knighthood. He has his guitar successful the car. Inching location connected Lincoln Boulevard, helium plays a opus he’s composing portion steering with 1 knee. “This opus is gonna to beryllium a immense hit,” helium says.

Clayton is chill and benignant and a large braggart. When I notation that my tummy is bothering me, helium says, “I’m gonna navigator you the champion meal you’ve ever eaten!”

This brag worries me. I worked arsenic a nutrient professional successful New York City. There’s nary mode Clayton’s precise seared salmon with watermelon radish tin apical a Jean-Georges cocoa mousse.

I yet snap: “Clayton! No 1 talks this way. You don’t perceive maine saying, I don’t know, ‘I scored truthful precocious connected those standardized tests successful precocious school, my people went close disconnected the chart. They couldn’t adjacent support my people connected the chart, that’s however precocious I scored.’ ”

And past I stop. I had wholly forgotten astir my fantabulous trial scores. They utilized to springiness maine a batch of confidence, but I ne'er speech astir standardized trial scores present due to the fact that I’m an adult. But since I don’t, they person disappeared from my communicative of myself. I americium much versed successful my deficits than my strengths these days.

Clayton is connected to something. That night, I telephone my yoga friend. “We request to commencement bragging similar Clayton,” I say. “But also, support our friends.”

We hatch a plan: We volition commencement a play bragging practice. It volition beryllium similar a meditation signifier but much aggressive. Bragging is not similar immoderate tepid self-affirmation; it’s competitive. It’s similar my mother.

We determine to statesman that Saturday. We person plans to enactment successful the morning, locomotion to the Korean spa for a scrub, past spell to a friend’s improv amusement wherever Clayton volition articulation us. As we’re walking to the spa, my bragging buddy is expected to start. I spot her struggling. “Uh. I americium truly bully astatine ... uh, walking down the street?” she says.

“You bash person a bully walk,” I say. “And me? I’m truly bully at, um ... It’s truthful chill however I’m ever carrying a cupful of java astir everyplace I go. Like I’m conscionable truthful comfy present ... successful the crosswalk ... drinking coffee?”

Bragging is not easy. After a beingness of being pleasant, polite and self-effacing, trying to brag is similar taking a last you haven’t studied for, fixed successful a overseas language.

We get astatine the spa late, but they complaint america for the full hr anyway. After the scrub, I recognize I near my telephone astatine location and can’t telephone Clayton with the improv’s address. I consciousness atrocious astir each this, but I person made a committedness to brag, truthful I person to spot however these snafus bespeak positively connected me.

Then I bash spot it. “You know, I battalion a batch successful 1 day,” I say. This is true, but without the bragging practice, I would not person seen it.

My person and I instrumentality with our bragging signifier for six months, longer than the narration with Clayton lasts. But the acquisition near a affirmative impact.

Later, I person plans to question backmost to New York City, and my lodging falls through. A person says, “You person obscurity to stay. You should astir apt cancel your trip.”

This seems similar tenable advice, but aft each that bragging, it sounds off. Is helium suggesting that adjacent though I lived successful New York for 20 years, I don’t person immoderate friends determination I tin clang with? I say, “A batch of radical privation maine to enactment with them.”

This brag becomes true. I upwind up splitting my clip betwixt my person Ben’s connected the Lower East Side and Katie’s connected the Upper West. As I’m dragging my suitcase down the subway stairs astatine midnight to power apartments, I think, “This was a anserine plan.”

But past I perceive a Southern drawl successful my head. I look astir the bare presumption and say, “I americium bully astatine dating, due to the fact that I larn thing invaluable from everyone I meet.”

I way down Clayton this outpouring to marque definite he’s OK with being written about. He’s backmost successful Georgia, with “a large caller band,” helium tells me. About the story, helium says, “Go ahead. If you got it, flaunt it.”

“Thanks,” I say. “But my communicative is astir you, um, benignant of being a large braggart.”

He pauses and past tells maine that erstwhile helium was young, helium had a accidental to play guitar with an older, awesome musician. He denigrated his ain skills. The older antheral stopped him, saying that however you speech astir yourself becomes your reality. Clayton has been making an effort to talk positively astir himself ever since.

It’s casual to deliberation guys successful L.A. are egotistical oregon narcissistic. But this was a reminder that men conflict with these issues too. We’re each retired present doing our best, trying to find idiosyncratic to love.

The writer is an author, writer and budding stand-up comedian successful Santa Monica. She shared a mentation of this effort astatine the L.A. Affairs Live storytelling lawsuit successful April. Find her connected Instagram astatine @wendypariscomedy.

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